And i'm not sure how i feel about that...
On the one hand, i've really not enjoyed this holiday at all because of various reasons:
97% this book project
2% family crisis/-ness (and no, not regarding xmas-i don't celebrate it)
1% not really having a break.
so i'll be glad to get it over with tomorrow. It's been a real struggle, this project. I was really looking forward to it, because it was the one thing i knew wholeheartedly that i wanted to do, and i was super inspired by the presentation Wendy gave us about book art. Plus,it was a fun thing to do, it was fun to make a book, even though unfortunately none of mine are traditionally boind. But I've had so many other things on my mind....
.....i found it VERY hard to start working from being ABSOLUTELY and COMPLETELY drained from last term, the cheer comp and especially university and ucas stuff. Plus, a little family crisis happened bang in the middle of this, which REALLY disturbed me and stopped me working,
For the first time in my whole life, i've been driven to cry and comfort eat this holiday. I've actually stretched my stomach, i think, becasue now nothing fills me up.
i feel a little upset with myself for not being able to pull myself out of whatever funk i'm in, becasue although i've nearly fininished my books, i wonder (hell, i know) that i could've done better or more had i not been so filled with angst for the entire damned 'break.' I'm just glad i'm almost finished. I was beginning to wonder whether or not i would be...
So, yes, i'll be very glad to go back tomorrow and get the whole damned debacle/ shebang/ episode over with.
But on the other hand i'm sinking lower into the doldrums with the knowledge that i've got even more stress on the horizon, what with my portfolio and interviews etc. This makes me sigh and give up any hope of freedom until the summer, or more likely after my degree. I just really hope i get onto one; i hope my doldrum-ness didn't seep into my ucas application or something. I tried hard not to let it, but for some reason my statement doesn't sound as happy post-modification than it once did...hopefully that's just me externalising, rather than the statement actually being boring.
All i want is to curl up in a blanket with stuffed animals and watch star trek.
Is it SO much to ask????
On the upside, i almost always feel worse about my work than it actually is. I must keep reminding myself that. Plus, i have kept a MUCH better sketchbook this time. I still haven't put much research in it yet, becasue of printing (my home printer ink has run out, i'm not going to be able to replace it now. did buy another cartridge, but it was wrong) (Also, can't quite afford to take stuff to the printer's.) SO I SHALL POST THE RESEARCH HERE....
....because i swear, i really have done a lot of it this time. I looked at all the sheet references and did my own. But it's also very hard to prove i've looked at a website. How would one know?
Plus, the stupid animation i made still won't go up...
well, it's not stupid, i'm actually rather proud of it, but i am having real trouble sorting it out for emailing to Fiona. I've been trying for ages. Ah well, will continue working now...
